jaded years

Jaded - Tired, bored, or lacking enthusiasm, typically after having had too much of something.

I am used to having a party on my birthday. It has always been one of the most-awaited days of the year. In my growing up years where I have found my circle of friends, my birthday became some sort of a reunion party.  And during my years of service in the government, I gain more friends – from the local peacekeepers (CVO), health workers, Barangay officials, and the youth groups of whom were additions to my birthday manifesto. There was this one birthday party of mine where there’s a table for Barangay Officials & Constituents, a table for my Singles For Christ community, a table for my college friends, a table for my older (drinking buddies) friends, a table for the youth groups, a table for my god children, and a table for my barkada. Wow! Of course, my family is there as well.

But last year was kinda different. I decided not to throw a party. I went for a quiet celebration at home. But still my officemates found a way to make my day special so they threw a pizza party at work. That was the first time (since high school) I wasn’t able to spend my birthday with my Barkada.

Now, it’s 2 days away from my 27^th birthday. Holy Molly! Yes, I am not gonna hide the years – it keeps on adding up year after year and getting older is something inevitable (boo hoo). So hush hush. Any plans?! Hmmm…I’ve got tons of planning and party ideas in my head. Materializing the thoughts to reality will be the problem here. My head and heart are still battling. YES – I want to have a party and celebrate my day with my most loved peeps. NO – I guess it comes with age sometimes where you just want things to be simple, quiet, and convenient to the purse.

People who know me best expect something fun & surprising from me. They expect me to throw a themed-party, cook a special dish, give out handmade/customized giveaways, and a lot more alike. In the office, I am hesitant to even talk about my birthday. Why? Because I don’t want to share my day to some people that I am used to be closed with. With lots of twists & turns in the past months, I have decided to burn bridges and perform a memory dump. Now, if I treat my workmates it would be awkward to only invite selected people right? I don’t want that. And besides I honestly don’t want some people to have a part on my happy day – there’s no way I’m gonna celebrate with them. Don’t even try to talk me out on forgiveness and moving on because I have… I have moved on without those people. You can call it bitterness if you want but for me it is what it – it’s my day and I want to share it with the people I consider by good nuggets.

Let’s go back to the whole celebration thing! My friend Lester told me yesterday that we should have a get-together in my place. He said that there’s no need for a grand celebration or a table-full of food. Hahaha… of course I am dying to have a get together. But you see I don’t settle for a second rate event. If I can go beyond the normal and add in extra special scoop of fun then I am up for it. It’s just that the budget is tight lately due to some overspending stints and my happy hormones are not on their mood lately. So let's see what happens, anyway I still got 2 more days to figure out what I want :)