can i write off my thoughts freely?i am lost between sense and stupidity. i exactly know what’s the right thing to do but i am powerless to execute all these concrete thoughts. i have been hurt over the same things and now i have lost the sympathy for myself…i don’t even know the whole point of me staying. what do you want me to do? who do you want me to be? in what ways do you need me? tell me because i can’t figure it out…i can’t figure you out. i don’t want to over-think things but it is what it is…you and me isn’t such a wonderful thing anymore.
can i explode here in this blank page?
can i just be true without the fear of hurting you?
you don’t want me to be there with you when you’re sick. you were hospitalized for almost a week without telling me. i understand your reasons that you don’t want me to worry and you don’t want me to see you in a weak state. thank you for thinking that way. but you see, those are not the appropriate actions. you are depriving me to love you. you are pushing me away. and you are giving me all the reasons to leave.
and so what now? your lies are all piling up that i can’t keep up with them anymore. is it so hard for you to be simply happy? i am your girlfriend and yet i am OFF LIMITS to your life. what am i to you then? i have lost my worth you know… and then you shed those tears and beg me not to leave you?
crap! you don’t let me to love you! you don’t even acknowledge me for loving you in all ways i know! you seem to have a hard time in loving and yet i have hoped and believed that you will find your way in loving and when that time comes i want to be there with you. life is such a beauty! all the wonders of loving is such a sweet sweet experience! why hesitate in all these?
my dear, i have drawn the last straw of patience and hope a long time ago. i have prayed for you and for us with my most sincere intentions but your walls are so hard to break. sadly i have given up already on fairy tales. and you have emptied all the love in me… but then again i can neither imagine nor dare to look at you at my rear view mirror. so i am still here and only God knows why.