Thursday, February 23, 2012

sucking at chemistry

I think I mentioned somewhere in my blog that I loved chemistry back in high school. I was so fixated with the table of elements -- to the point that I memorized the order of elements along with their atomic numbers, the oxidation process, the octet rule, and etc. I drool over chemical formulas and their chemical computations. Geeky right?

Now, where is this blog entry leading? Nah...I'm not gonna bore you out with geeky stuffs. Relieved now?

I suppose I suck at chemistry at some point -- my physical chemistry with the one and only element in this universe that will complement with my atomic existence to its stable form. I don't know...can't help to get fidgety. I kept on nagging him on the things he falls short on but then when you turn the tables, I myself didn't make up the half of my share. Yes, I did write him letters, I cooked for him, did favors and cut myself some slack for him, and a whole bunch more. But then again I don't say "i love you" that much, I don't tell him that I would love to spend weekends with him, I don't tell him what I really want but rather make him go crazy on figuring it out for himself, I don't ask him about his future plans...all because of the fear of being rejected. I don't hold or touch him unless he does it first. I don't kiss him unless he does it first and I don't ask him for a kiss either. So many unsaid words trapped in my clouded mind. I tremble infront of him. It kills me seeing him quiet. I'd like to figure out his thoughts -- is he sad? is he having some manly periods? did i say or do something that offended him? Do you get what I mean? I can ask him directly and get a straight answer but I don't...I wait on the safe side. I can't grab a hold of myself and I don't even make any sense! And so I say he keep my insanity alive.

Last week, he said he has something for me. He dropped by the house and handed his Flash Drive (my gift years ago ^_^) and told me to check the 5 videos. And knowing me, my thoughts would go fast forward in its maximum speed with all negativity. I assumed that those were porn videos. Hahahahaha. Silly me! I said stupid things to him. When I checked the files -- 4 video episodes of Kushina and Minato's love story. For a brief background, I am a Naruto-addict and one of my favorite characters are Kushina and Minato, Naruto's parents. He downloaded the fresh episodes for me. And the 5th file was a music video of the classic song "Constantly" by Cliff Richards. In the end, I felt stupid myself. Here's the chorus of the song:
Just as sure as the stars keep burning
In the sky your love will stay a flame in me
A flame that burns so bright
Not only through the night
But constantly

Still last week, I was keeping track on the movie "The Vow". I told him earlier that I can't miss to watch it in cinema. So he said we would watch it together and in a sarcastic manner he said that it was in his watchlist. Who is he kidding?! Somehow we were able to watch it together. But inside the cinema I got pissed when I noticed him busy texting. So when the movie ended he asked series of questions about the movie. See!!! If he just ain't busy texting then he could have perfectly memorized every scene. And in a jumpy manner he said aloud that it was a great movie! Seriously?!?! It pissed me off.

And then I remember the other day I told him, "We don't even have a physical chemistry. We move apart from each other. What we have is more of a partnership...a good partnership though". He just laughed at me and said, "Maybe we should start a business then?". So I said in return, "What the!!! Bwisit!!!". This made him laugh even more. According to him he found me so cute saying those words that he lost some strength in him. Hahahaha. Oh shut up!

This week, it seem that we were having some name games. The other day I was his "honeybunch", yesterday I was his "Sweetie", today I call him my "Baby" and he call me "my dear". Hahahaha. Can you follow how extreme we are? For one minute I'm pissed and in the next minute I am calling him with a term of endearment.

Then yesterday, I informed him that I'll come home late so he needs to go home on his own. Suddenly he started interrogating me. He's not like this before...he just says "okay" to me. But yesterday was different, he was asking me "why", "where are you going", "whom are you with", ''what time will you finish", etc. It's kinda weird but I blushed and I got goosebumps for his interrogation. He really did waited for 4 hours and we went home together. I like it.

While we were waiting for a ferry yesterday, a friend of his asked on who I was. I pretended that I wasn't listening when he answered that I'm his girlfriend that he is planning to marry. I snatched a smile behind him.
Anyway, my intention is just to write something about us. About our wars. About our distinct setup. About our road to a life of togetherness. Yes, we are opposites in so many things and there are a lot of factors that would justify that we are not chemically compatible...but hey we know better.