rear view

can i write off my thoughts freely?
can i explode here in this blank page?
can i just be true without the fear of hurting you?

i am lost between sense and stupidity. i exactly know what’s the right thing to do but i am powerless to execute all these concrete thoughts. i have been hurt over the same things and now i have lost the sympathy for myself…i don’t even know the whole point of me staying. what do you want me to do? who do you want me to be? in what ways do you need me? tell me because i can’t figure it out…i can’t figure you out. i don’t want to over-think things but it is what it is…you and me isn’t such a wonderful thing anymore.
you don’t want me to be there with you when you’re sick. you were hospitalized for almost a week without telling me. i understand your reasons that you don’t want me to worry and you don’t want me to see you in a weak state. thank you for thinking that way. but you see, those are not the appropriate actions. you are depriving me to love you. you are pushing me away. and you are giving me all the reasons to leave.

and so what now? your lies are all piling up that i can’t keep up with them anymore. is it so hard for you to be simply happy? i am your girlfriend and yet i am OFF LIMITS to your life. what am i to you then? i have lost my worth you know… and then you shed those tears and beg me not to leave you?

crap! you don’t let me to love you! you don’t even acknowledge me for loving you in all ways i know! you seem to have a hard time in loving and yet i have hoped and believed that you will find your way in loving and when that time comes i want to be there with you. life is such a beauty! all the wonders of loving is such a sweet sweet experience! why hesitate in all these?

my dear, i have drawn the last straw of patience and hope a long time ago. i have prayed for you and for us with my most sincere intentions but your walls are so hard to break. sadly i have given up already on fairy tales. and you have emptied all the love in me… but then again i can neither imagine nor dare to look at you at my rear view mirror. so i am still here and only God knows why.

Tadhana: Run4Love

Rio Dela Cruz' Proposal...



Oh ****!!! UDD+A Love Story = definitely a HIGH

we.no.serious

When happiness falls short, who you gonna call?

  Me (with the glasses) with workmates during lunch breaks. We bum in Abreeza Ayala Mall after and hangout in the arcade for 1 hour. And what do we get out of it? On lucky days, a FREE Photo booth picture ^_^

la-di-da

Finally, I am reunited with my comfort shoes!!! What a high!!!

D♥ dragged me to the mall yesterday and told me that I should buy a pair of shoe for myself with one requirement: NOT SLIPPERY :)

We wandered for awhile but I am very sure at the back of my head that I want chucks!

And so I did! And now I am back on my old-school look: shirt+jeans+backpack+chucks

PS: checked off one item from my "MUSTs for 2012"

2012-MUST-DO

"Planning" has never been a friend of mine and so does "New Year's resolution list". But then I figured to make one anyway just to kill my time...kill boredom...

I have listed out 26-must-do for 2012. Why 26? Because I am 26 years old and I was thinking of what I should accomplish before I turn 27 by May. This means I got only 5 months...haha. I am not nice to myself ;) I am not even expecting to fulfill the list because somewhere in between 2012 I will forget about this list anyway. I am not making any sense am I? Ha-ha-ha. Okay, now I am starting to be boring so here's the list:

1. get a whole-body massage...A MUST...ASAP
2. new wayfarer rayban...broke the one i have :_(
3. pantograph...i'll go back on charcoal painting
4. buy converse shoes...my comfort shoes!!! i soooo missss youuuu...where have you been!
5. new camera...nikon J1 perhaps
6. buy a lomo cam
7. black & white paint for my room...a do-it-myself thing
8. 24" or 25" waistline...with the help of twist board (malayo-layong byahe to!!!)
9. trim down coffee and alcohol intake...limit it occasionally like yesterday, today and everyday. hahaha!
10. finish my scrapbook projects...scavenge-compile-cut-paste
11. bookbind all my written works...poetry, short stories, drawings, and rants
12. house renovation...install brick pavement in our outdoor flooring
13. start and invest on a business...these are the hard times so i need to double up my work
14. get a passport, driver's license, NSO birth certificate (i lost my original copy...crap!), college transcript of records (i'm so stubborn! i graduated 5 years ago and i didn't bother to get my records), CENOMAR (hahaha...kidding)
15. go back to school?...nah! study isn't my thing anymore so let's just see
16. set foot in Palawan or return to Boracay ^_^
17. get a new haircut (dream cut!!!)...i'm keeping my fingers crossed. I SUPER ENVY Raleene Cabrera's cut - she's an industrial designer and lead vocals of the Walkie Talkies
18. get my passport stamped...only on nearby countries
19. learn more recipes and try pastry making
20. read a book (this is unaccomplished from last year's bucket list)
21. new laptop bag
22. do something unforgettable and FUN...zipline? zorb? water rafting?
23. get to see more movies
24. get more sleep...get rid of these eye bags
25. buy an engagement ring and propose (this is the part where i don't know what else to list so dont take me seriously)...blah!
26. get a tattoo?!? (i must get very very drunk first so i wouldn't remember doing it and i can regret it the next day)

TOOmorrow

you care too much of the future that you take "today" very easy

you make big plans for the next two years...when all i wanted is for you to paint a rainbow in my skies right now

promises...what use will it make right now?

now that everything is cloudy and i can't even say those 3 words

secret track

Purse of Stories from Vanessa Augustin on Vimeo.