don't mess with my KEFI

Composure has been a friend of mine for quite some time now. I am able to keep things still and more private on my relationship matters. Well, I used to be all-talk and share-all type then you realize that there were things that you wish you should have not done or you should have done differently. Regret is the word that rings a bell.

Women loves to vent. We vent out our thoughts and feelings to the world, to our friends (sometimes to the not-so-close ones), to our family, to our workmates, and to whoever is there at the moment. So I had my shares of venting - and this means quite a lot ^_^ Well, it was immature and absurd of me (that I have to admit) to randomly blabber to gain sympathy thus putting the other person in a bad light.

But thanks to Experience. I was able to outgrow my immature behavior. Now I am more composed. I only share the things that are worth sharing to people worth sharing to. When a war is about to blow in my chest - I compose myself. When bliss is all over my skin - I compose myself. When I am torn apart - I compose myself. Life became less complicated. 

But today there's something I would like to tell my composed-self - "let go".

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Dearest self,

I know we talk most of the time and there's nothing wrong with that. I know that we've done a good job in keeping things less complicated in our life. 

I know that we are scared to declare to the universe our happiness. We fear that by declaring it - it will be jinxed. And yes this is a contradiction to having faith but the thought of losing the stillness of our happiness is dreadful. And so we took comfort in being private. 

Somehow this private life bored us, to be honest. It must have been exciting and fun to share when we get butterflies in our stomach, when we get jitters every time the only love of our life performs acts of chivalry, when we get pissed of petty misunderstandings, when we get excited of future plans, when we have those precious moments and beautiful conversations, and just what happens in our life. But there's always another side of the coin. Sharing would allow other people to comment and give their opinions - this is not the exchange we want. And so, we decided that our matters of the heart is not a circus for everyone to witness.

But lately it is getting harder to contain the happiness. I feel like I'm about to burst in celebration and just let the world know that we are HAPPY. 

So please tell me that - "it's okay, it's love". Please give me the assurance that if I let this happiness show, the world will not renounce it.

 So here goes - I am happy. I am.